If I Say It’s a Rat…

            Today I rescued a small animal from my pool. I suppose itโ€™s a stretch to say, โ€œrescuedโ€ since the animal was already dead, but nevertheless, he was stranded on the bottom, and I brought him up. It was so big, I’d spotted him through my kitchen window and almost cried because I thought it might be a bunny. I scooped him out gently with the net, an act that was pretty easy because once I nudged him, he floated up like a weightless thing. Really, he was bloated, and his arms and legs stretched out as if maybe heโ€™d tried to gallop in a valiant yet hopeless attempt to outrun death. 

            I should have taken a photograph so I could show you proof of my humaneness, but Iโ€™m not sure what the rules are for posting death online. Whatever the legal way to dispose of a dead creature is, I did that. Iโ€™m sure it was a rat, but the last time I saved a rat was when it had gotten its neck snapped in our pool vacuum and I said to my husband, โ€œItโ€™s a rat!โ€ and he was like, โ€œYouโ€™re ridiculous. Itโ€™s a mouse.โ€ His opinion didnโ€™t prevent my having to dislodge his water-logged bodyโ€”the ratโ€™s, not my husbandโ€™sโ€”from inside the vacuum where heโ€™d been duly clamped between two rollers. 

            Since weโ€™ve been living in the city-country of good olโ€™ Escondido, Iโ€™ve become accustomed to the small things scaring the shit out of me when they scurry from behind the trash bin to the bush. Iโ€™m also now familiar with the terrifying sounds of coyotes, and Iโ€™ve learned that nobody, probably, is being murdered but that a pack of these feral dogs is closing in on a kill and showing excitement in the form of soul-shaking high-pitched squeals and screeches. I also now know to expect that when I open my windows at night, I voluntarily let in the pungent aroma of feral urine. 

            Iโ€™ve almost been killed by snakes, and when I say โ€œalmost,โ€ I mean it was probably a garden snake and I didnโ€™t get stupid enough or close enough to discern its venomous potential. 

Also, I once scooped up a bloodied rat with a shovel. It had given birth in my garage before proceeding to die,

which became obvious to me when the accompanying clot revealed itself to be a rat fetus.

   When I said to my husband, โ€œOh, itโ€™s a dead rat and baby,โ€ he was like, โ€œCome on, itโ€™s only a mouse,โ€ as if those minor details made any difference whatsoever in this situation. Heโ€™s never above stating the obvious especially when such comments are to distinguish between my hysteria and his rational truth. Heโ€™s smart, for sure, but Iโ€™m the one doing the saving and scooping and legal disposing, so if I say it’s a rat, a rat it is. 

            Be thankful I spared you a picture of that. And of this one today, with his wet, glistening fur, soul gone to rat heaven or wherever it may beโ€”who knows whether this rodent lived a well-examined, charitable life. 

            And on this day, as I write to you from my place of work (which is my homeโ€”on a lop-sided couch, blanket over my legs because I get cold) and braless, which Iโ€™m not sure makes me more free. Iโ€™m pretty sure it just makes me more vulnerable, so let that be a lesson. It doesnโ€™t matter what the truth is sometimes–it’s your perspective that carries the most weight. And if youโ€™ve got one, youโ€™re ahead of the game. 

            Happy Thursday. May it be ratless, cozy, and safe, and may you always know which side of the argument youโ€™re on. 

2 thoughts on “If I Say It’s a Rat…

  1. I definitely had to chuckle a few times at this.

    Tom Taylor

    DO the right thing even when no one is looking

    ________________________________

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